In founding The T Hive one of the key drivers was supporting others in connecting to themselves. It is my belief that through this connection they can claim who they are and connect more deeply to the world at large.
In my own journey I had become keenly aware of how my understanding of connection shifted, how the way I connected changed, and the importance my connections with others had come to hold. As I deepened my commitment to supporting others on their own journeys of self-connection and self-discovery I also picked up and became a nomad. I inadvertently created serious tension in my life. My work required me to be deeply grounded, but I was constantly in motion. Every time I meet someone I’m asked how do I do it. People are curious about how I build a business, relationships, and stability while moving every 30-120 days. The quick response was always, “Well you know, I stay grounded”. Yes, I know that’s not a full answer, and I have seen and felt the eye rolls. I know being grounded is an essential part of what I do and how I move, but I’ve also finally figured out how I really do it, and what it means.
Yesterday, which was my first in a new place, it became clear why the staying grounded answer isn’t enough. Being grounded is a practice in itself, but we must first know how it feels when we are grounded. As I sat looking out at the sea in the cold with wind blowing across my face my mind wouldn’t be still. There was something urgent calling to me. I continued to sit, and after a few minutes I felt a warmth and sense of ease over take me. I was in a new place not knowing anyone, the best places to go, or what my experience over the next month would hold, but there was a sense of belonging. A lightbulb went off and I realized everywhere I go that’s how I feel – like I belong.
In my travels I’m often meeting new people, exploring new places, and navigating new cultures. The only constant I have is me, and it’s made me more grateful than I can ever say for self-connection. At its base connection is a link. Connecting is typically a reference to linking two separate things. What I’ve found on the road, and through doing this work, is that the first and most important link must be with the self. This idea initially defies logic as it seems that by ones very existence they are connected to themselves. What could be a stronger link than being inside oneself? The answer that has revealed itself to me is that to be really connected to ourselves we must know our self.
The deep resonance that knowing oneself provides is a connection like no other. For many of us it remains elusive, and that is a frustrating truth. It is very easy to be disconnected from ourselves. The pace of the world seems intentionally set-up to keep us separated from who we truly are. Busy lives, routines, and long-standing bonds often provide the perfect sand in which to bury our heads and keep existing, but not living. The constant actions of our day-to-day lives allows us to fall out of touch with self, and we look up and don’t know who we are. Without realizing it we have become uncomfortable and full of discontent. Even though we are in our lives and surrounded by our people and things we don’t feel like we belong.
I know I’ve been through it. A few years ago I sat down to journal and wrote the prompt “Who am I?” It’s still shocking how long my pen hovered over that page. For ages nothing came. My initial thought was “I’m T”, but I couldn’t get any deeper as I tried to probe. I wrote “Who is she?”, and realized I could only describe myself in terms of my relation to others and the work I did. It was more persona than identity, and I knew there was some serious work to be done. If I couldn’t describe who I was to myself there was no way I could be who I wanted to be in the world.
Sitting there trying to write out who I was started tears rolling down my face. I was a person who I thought knew herself intimately, but in that moment I couldn’t claim my identity or say where I belonged. Although my voice was the loudest one in my head I could feel the influence of how others viewed me and the expectations that friends, family, and colleagues held for me. I made the decision then and there to change. I knew that the most important thing had to be coming home to myself.
The moment I made this decision my passions, priorities and desires started to shift. I won’t pretend it wasn’t deeply uncomfortable, but it was also an amazing time of expansion and growth. The gift I received on the other side was a deep connection to myself, and a sense of ease with the world around me. In this process I gained access to the full range of my emotions and long held fears began to crumble. What ultimately developed was the greatest relationship of my life, and that is the one with myself.
It’s only now that I fully understand that connection is the foundation of how I move so often. That the grounding comes from a place of deep connection with me, and through which I have come to truly know myself. When I meet new people and arrive in new places I’m able to fully be there with my whole self. I love thinking about the question “Who am I?” today. The answer is simple because I understand my emotions, memories, passions, values, and desires. More importantly I get to carry the feeling of being deeply grounded and belonging no matter where I am.
I invite you to get curious about your connection to yourself and the world around you. If you’re curious about ways to activate these connections and/or in general looking for deeper connection with you, or in your life, coaching is a perfect place to start. Click over to the Connect page and send me a message for a free discovery call.
As always, I love hearing from you. Feel free to leave a comment below.
Until next time,
T xo